How to become your own best friend (and lead a better life)

We could all benefit from being our own best friend but unfortunately we rarely treat ourselves as such. We are often hard on ourselves due to numerous reasons, most of which are related to our education, upbringing and possible toxic relationships. Because of this, we have interiorised and learned to devalue ourselves and/or not take care of ourselves as we would to others, which is prejudicial because we deserve our own compassion, love and care more than anyone else. Thankfully, with a few efforts, we can unlearn these bad habits with the help of some techniques and wisdom, some of which I will be sharing in this blog post.

Ever heard of the expression "You can't pour from an empty cup"? I like this quote because it illustrates how, if we don't take care of ourselves first, then how can we properly take care of others? (without getting worn out or sacrificing ourselves and then possibly later feeling resentful). Being "selfless" is a seemingly respectable attribute, but at what expense? Compassion towards others cannot exist without initial compassion towards ourselves.

Imagine your best friend; how do you talk to her/him? In what tone? What words do you use? Are you supportive? Understanding? Kind?...

And what about when you talk to or consider yourself? Is It the same? Do you talk to yourself and consider yourself with empathy, kindness, understanding, compassion? For most of us, this isn't, regrettably, the case...

What if you were to treat yourself as you were your own best friend, someone you care for and admire, someone you cherish and congratulate... wouldn't your life be better, you think?

When times are hard, when you've had a difficult day, in what ways could you "take care of yourself"? Here's a non- exhaustive list of ways in which you could engage in self-care:

• Light a candle and/or incense

• Run a hot bath with perhaps some essential oils (lavendar oil is my favourite for its relaxing properties)

• Curl up on the sofa/bed with a cuddly toy or your pet if you have one

• Make yourself a nice drink - tea, coffee, wine...

• Cook yourself a tasty and nourishing meal

• Pamper yourself; face mask, body scrub...

• Cancel any plans that you don't particularly want to attend to without feeling bad about it - your well-being comes before anything else

• Cut off social media and focus on yourself for the day

• Treat yourself to a massage

• Go to the cinema and watch the movie you've been wanting to watch for a while

• Etc

We are not often taught to treat ourselves as we were our best friend and/or someone we love and care for dearly, but what is the harm in starting today? What we have learned can be unlearned with good will and over time. A revolution is possible. You can live a better life, you can turn things around, the choice is yours. Don't you think you deserve your own friendship and love? I do...

Chances are, befriending yourself won't feel natural at first. As I mentioned above we are not taught to do so, we have learned quite the opposite in fact. It will take time and efforts but I'm certain that you will reap the benefits. The best investment you can make is in yourself and your own well-being. Do whatever it takes, you owe it to yourself. I made a random list above of self-care ideas but feel free to make your own depending on your individual needs and preferences.

Engaging in self-love also means being able to take a break: cancelling plans, taking a day off work, whatever you think would benefit you and your wellness... you are in charge of your own well-being, so respect that - respect yourself.

By taking care of yourself first and in the best way possible and according to your unique needs and desires, you will only be becoming the best version of yourself. I promise it's true... tried and tested! (and not just by me obviously)!

Ready to change your life for the better? You can start today by being more gentle, compassionate, loving, accepting and understanding towards yourself. Basically, by treating yourself as if you were your own best friend, it's simple and complex at the same time. Complex in the sense that we're not used to it, but simple in theory. Try today: do and think what's in your best interest. Put yourself first and everything else will follow...

If you think your'e single, you're wrong. You've got yourself and that's the most valuable relationship you'll ever have, so nourish and cultivate it. You owe it to yourself.

Remember: for as long as you are alive... change and improvement are always possible. You just have to decide it and believe in it <3

Sending you all my love and positive energy,

Phoebe xxx

#selflove #selfcare #compassion #selfimprovement #personaldevelopment