Self-compassion - what it is and how to cultivate it

As I mentioned in my first blog post, I went to a Buddhist retreat centre in April 2018 and during my two day retreat I had the pleasure to attend to a self-compassion workshop, and one of the workshop organizers and guests was Maureen Cooper who is an author with a website and blog and who talks about self-compassion, stress reduction and mindfulness and meditation. I learned a lot and was truly inspired by this workshop and I took quite a few notes which I wish to share with you below as well as some other quotes and advice and tips in being more compasionate towards oneself and others.

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To begin with, what is compassion?

"Compassion is the ability to feel others suffering as if it were your own, to wish them freedom from suffering and to be prepared to act upon this in order for them to feel better".

The principle is the same when it comes to self-compassion: compassion for oneself is the wish to be free of suffering, anxiety and pain, and free from all that can generate it with the ardent desire to do something in order to resolve it

We are not necassarily born with self-compassion, one has to exercise our abilty to be self-compassionate through specific techniques and thinking.

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What are the qualities of a good friend?

Here is a little list (feel free to add/think of your own) :

• Friendship

• Support

• Benevolence

• Empathy

• Lack of judgement - like the Buddha said: "Love is the absence of judgement"

• Love

• Kindness

• Understanding

• Acceptance

• Congratulating their successes etc etc

Here's an exercise by Kristin Neff, specialist in self-compassion, on how to be compassionate towards ourselves:

When going through a tough situation, say to youself/consider:

1. I am going through a moment of suffering

2. Suffering is part of life

3. May I be good/kind to myself in this very instant

4. May I offer myself the compassion that I need

Thich Nhat Hanh, vietnamese zen master

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As well as Maureen Cooper, two other major specialists in self-compassion are Kristin Neff as I earlier mentioned and Brené Brown, both are authors and famous TED talkers. Two of Bréne Brown's most successful TED talks are The Power of Vulnerability and Listening to Shame - take a look ;)

Self-compassion is basically befriending yourself; treating yourself as your best friend free of judgement and full of compassion, understanding, acceptance and kindness. After all, you are the only person who will be accompanying yourself your whole life, so you, above anyone else, deserve your own compassion, don't you think? And as the Buddha said in the image above, one can only be truly kind to others if we are firstly and foremostly genuinely kind to ourselves...

Unfortunately, our education, upbringing and conditionings haven't often helped us in this quest (of being self-compassionate). That is why we must make a conscious effort, from today onwards, through concrete actions and and with a new mindset in engaging in self-compassionate behaviour and thoughts in our daily lives. We deserve to invest in ourselves when it comes to leading a better life, just as your body needs good nutrition, exercise and care, so does your mind and soul.

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And that's the end for today!

Take care and feel free to get in touch :)

Bisous, Phoebe xoxo